In Bailey and Kevin's conversation with The Dinner Party (a worldwide community of 20- and 30-somethings who have each experienced the loss of a loved one), we learned a big plus of virtual gatherings has been expanded access. Traveling to a stranger’s house for a meal may have been prohibitive for some in the past, virtual tables lower the barrier to entry. That’s been valuable for many Dinner Partiers, such as parents with young kids, people with physical disabilities, or people who live in remote areas.
Virtual tables have also allowed space for more specific connections. The Dinner Party is able to group tables around affinities, not just geography, when tables meet virtually. That means who share a certain identity (e.g. they are LGBTQI) or a similar experience (e.g. people who’ve lost a loved one to homicide) can find each other.
When I was in college, a friend and I hosted "Destination Unkown" parties. We invited friends over on a Friday night and told them to come with the bags packed for the weekend. We drew four names and sent the lucky winners off to a secret destination. One time it was for the weekend to an Airbnb cabin with boat loads of games and hiking near by. Another time it was to a Latin dance class and then karaoke. They were these sort of moment that pulled our crew of friends out of what a times became "Groundhogs Day"—the same hangouts and the same conversations.
We had big, silly dreams of hosting these get togethers between states—I'de host one in NY and my friend in Cleveland and then we would send guests from each party to a destination midway. Our friends scattered across the country post graduation and most of our communication transitioned to texting and one off face-times in small groups or 1:1. We lost our community in many ways.
In March, we hosted a little series on Thursday nights. One time we made an elaborate "choose your own adventure" slide show taking people to outer space, another time we did a "show + tell" scavenger hunt, bingo and more.
I can't speak for everyone but I found a lot of joy in our hangouts. Two things I learned:
1. The magic of our crew can exist even apart if we prioritize syncing up in real time virtually face to face and that it would be worth it to prioritize these virtual hangouts even when it is safe to hangout with friends in our new cities.
2. We can create a space to rub elbows with people we enjoy but might not make the effort to reach out to 1:1. We started by sending to a core group of friends but then encouraged them to forward on to others. We had some folks stick around for hours after, catching up with people they hadn't talked to in a while.
I added a community to my life this year that I'd love to share - my Article Club
At the outset of the pandemic, I did what I think a lot of other folks did to keep up relationships. Zoom group hangs (our basketball team became a weekly chat or workout on Zoom, the Queer community I do a lot of events with became virtual happy hours https://www.instagram.com/venus.nyc/). I applaud those leaders because they made a space for us in such a wild time.
That said, I realized that my open-ended group or individual chats on Zoom felt a bit empty. Conversation topics were a bit repetitive (we were all stuck at home without much to talk about), and the interactions were bumpy.
So I revisited P&C's methodology and zero-ed in on Chapter 3: Online and off, shared activities act as our gateways for connection. Whether it’s shooting hoops together, social video gaming, or singing Karaoke, activities lubricate conversations.
What my communities were missing was a shared activity. Something we DO together, not just talking. Shared activities will liven up conversations and facilitate connections between strangers.
I was craving exposure to ideas and the world. So I thought an article club would help with that. I gathered 4 of my most curious, open-minded, good listener friends - friends who lived in different places and were from different stages of my life. They had never met but I thought should know one another. We began weekly conversations. One of us chooses an article (or podcast episode, just must be under <1hr) and guides the discussion, then we switch the leader next week.
Simone de Beauvoir's "The Ethics of Ambiguity" - helping me reconcile the strange duality of being an individual and a speck of dust in this epic universe
It's been an incredible experience. If fulfilled that need for curiosity and wonder about the world that I've been craving in the pandemic time we are in. And, it's made people I adore into friends. Without the pandemic, I know this wouldn't have happened. Their lives and geographies were all too my separate.
So, in sum: I recommend bringing an activity into the center of your virtual (or asynchronous) connections. And, I highly recommend an article club of your own :)
In Bailey and Kevin's conversation with The Dinner Party (a worldwide community of 20- and 30-somethings who have each experienced the loss of a loved one), we learned a big plus of virtual gatherings has been expanded access. Traveling to a stranger’s house for a meal may have been prohibitive for some in the past, virtual tables lower the barrier to entry. That’s been valuable for many Dinner Partiers, such as parents with young kids, people with physical disabilities, or people who live in remote areas.
Virtual tables have also allowed space for more specific connections. The Dinner Party is able to group tables around affinities, not just geography, when tables meet virtually. That means who share a certain identity (e.g. they are LGBTQI) or a similar experience (e.g. people who’ve lost a loved one to homicide) can find each other.
https://gettogether.fm/episodes/going-virtual-thedinnerparty
When I was in college, a friend and I hosted "Destination Unkown" parties. We invited friends over on a Friday night and told them to come with the bags packed for the weekend. We drew four names and sent the lucky winners off to a secret destination. One time it was for the weekend to an Airbnb cabin with boat loads of games and hiking near by. Another time it was to a Latin dance class and then karaoke. They were these sort of moment that pulled our crew of friends out of what a times became "Groundhogs Day"—the same hangouts and the same conversations.
We had big, silly dreams of hosting these get togethers between states—I'de host one in NY and my friend in Cleveland and then we would send guests from each party to a destination midway. Our friends scattered across the country post graduation and most of our communication transitioned to texting and one off face-times in small groups or 1:1. We lost our community in many ways.
In March, we hosted a little series on Thursday nights. One time we made an elaborate "choose your own adventure" slide show taking people to outer space, another time we did a "show + tell" scavenger hunt, bingo and more.
I can't speak for everyone but I found a lot of joy in our hangouts. Two things I learned:
1. The magic of our crew can exist even apart if we prioritize syncing up in real time virtually face to face and that it would be worth it to prioritize these virtual hangouts even when it is safe to hangout with friends in our new cities.
2. We can create a space to rub elbows with people we enjoy but might not make the effort to reach out to 1:1. We started by sending to a core group of friends but then encouraged them to forward on to others. We had some folks stick around for hours after, catching up with people they hadn't talked to in a while.
Here is our bingo guide if you wanna host something silly with old pals: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12oietSsiwXWZ1ku99R9yvMl-SVvhrToT2qYFRbNlO-E/edit?usp=sharing
I added a community to my life this year that I'd love to share - my Article Club
At the outset of the pandemic, I did what I think a lot of other folks did to keep up relationships. Zoom group hangs (our basketball team became a weekly chat or workout on Zoom, the Queer community I do a lot of events with became virtual happy hours https://www.instagram.com/venus.nyc/). I applaud those leaders because they made a space for us in such a wild time.
That said, I realized that my open-ended group or individual chats on Zoom felt a bit empty. Conversation topics were a bit repetitive (we were all stuck at home without much to talk about), and the interactions were bumpy.
So I revisited P&C's methodology and zero-ed in on Chapter 3: Online and off, shared activities act as our gateways for connection. Whether it’s shooting hoops together, social video gaming, or singing Karaoke, activities lubricate conversations.
What my communities were missing was a shared activity. Something we DO together, not just talking. Shared activities will liven up conversations and facilitate connections between strangers.
I was craving exposure to ideas and the world. So I thought an article club would help with that. I gathered 4 of my most curious, open-minded, good listener friends - friends who lived in different places and were from different stages of my life. They had never met but I thought should know one another. We began weekly conversations. One of us chooses an article (or podcast episode, just must be under <1hr) and guides the discussion, then we switch the leader next week.
Some highlights of what we've discussed --
That we don't know where eels come from
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/05/25/where-do-eels-come-from
The root of the drought in CA
https://story.californiasunday.com/resnick-a-kingdom-from-dust
Simone de Beauvoir's "The Ethics of Ambiguity" - helping me reconcile the strange duality of being an individual and a speck of dust in this epic universe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPhpL-PrWXU
It's been an incredible experience. If fulfilled that need for curiosity and wonder about the world that I've been craving in the pandemic time we are in. And, it's made people I adore into friends. Without the pandemic, I know this wouldn't have happened. Their lives and geographies were all too my separate.
So, in sum: I recommend bringing an activity into the center of your virtual (or asynchronous) connections. And, I highly recommend an article club of your own :)