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We're wrapping this edition of Popcorn Q&A 🍿. Big thank you to Casper and to all of you wonderful humans for joining this conversation. It's been an uplifting way to kick off a Friday for us.
the video at the beginning of season 7 made me tear up. I usually have issues with Ron, but what you guys said made me identify with Ron so much. I wondered if maybe that's why I struggle with him b/c I can see parts of myself in him!
What advice do you have for designing rituals for welcoming people into your community? For saying goodbye? Are there other key moments we should be bringing ritual into?
The first thing to remember is that there are always already rituals to build on. Simple things like handshakes and hugs, or welcoming folks with a cup of coffee or a tour of the building. In a digital context, there might be some basic introductions or words shared at the beginning of every event.
So the first thing to do is look at what’s already happening and try to lift that up into a ritual. We turn a small habit into a ritual by bringing intention, attention and repetition to it. So be clear about what you intend the ritual to symbolize. Be present while you’re performing it. And repeat it over time.
One of my favorite examples of this is a Unitarian Universalist church on the US-Mexican border that starts every service and event with someone saying out loud this simple statement - “We are a church at the border and our mission is to serve the immigrant.” Simple words, but by naming these values over and over, everyone understands what they’re doing.
My favorite quarantine zoom meeting closer is the dance party. For our 8-week digital Harry Potter and the Sacred Text class, we closed every session with a different ABBA track and invited folks to dance in front of their cameras. Nothing better!
Kevin here! 👋 At home in Sunset Park, Brooklyn. Community work on my mind—thinking about my "political home." A small community where I explore/hone/act on my perspective on politics.
Hi, I'm Alex tuning in from NYC and I serve two fledgling event-series groups that I hope to nurture into communities over time [1] one creates space for conversations that womxn don't usually get to have and the other [2] is a gathering about gathering. thx for doing this! ✨
Sure - I got very very very inspired by The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker and when the opportunity arose to create member clubs at The Wing (which meant a space for us to meet, which is key!) I kicked off The Experiential Lab, where I guess we treat the AoG as a sacred text! and we deconstruct and discover the ways to good gathering. We're meeting on Zoom these days every other Tuesday. We usually have one topic and I send out some material beforehand so that everyone can think about it on their own first...last Lab was about play and our individual "play histories" and how that shows up for us today and in gathering...
So so much! Actually - thank you for turning me on the the notion of sacred texts...I was kind of shy about it how often I refer to it. Sacred didn't feel like anything I would be involved in, but I your story about how you got Harry Potter resonated for me. I just heard it yesterday so it's still finding places in me. I have a feeling I'm way more about sacred texts than I ever could have imagined! 💛
I'm so glad Alexandra! Yeah, I am totally into the idea that sacred is something we make happen. When we turn to a text again and again, thta's what makes it sacred
I've been thinking about it a lot and we've definitely been encouraging leaders we're speaking with to start them up within their communities. I've seen a few who have dedicated 'rooms' specifically for rituals - i.e. there's a fitness community who uses a dedicated video room to do a live run together every morning at 6:27am - and others who use their 'welcome message' to prompt a specific introduction style
Ultimately I want to build in features that encourage ongoing rituals even more explicitly b/c I agree they're so important for communities . Like, imagine being able to turn on a weekly prompt for your community that starts a thread, maybe with a question like "what are you thankful for this week?"
*deep bow* to you and the whole Burning Man team! Y'all have helped translate and inspire so many folks with new rituals! What are the rituals that folks talk to you about the most from the playa?
Thanks Maggie! Honestly, it was super organic. We started off just asking friends and friends-of-friends where they found community and were finding meaning. We kept hearing stories about all sorts of unexpectedly spiritual spots and that really opened our eyes to go looking further!
Then after a while, because the cultural language was SO consistent - like logos were all round, the colors were similar, they all had manifestos - we were like, this is a thing and we should write about it
I've since learned that our work is really a sort of "theory making" - so we go out and do some early trend spotting and then later other researchers find new questions to ask based on those early insights. Are you looking at doing some research, too?
Thanks for sharing:) Yeah, I'm always interested in learning new ways of research. Recently helped with this report about the future of public spaces and gathering.
Awesome - excited to check this out! Thanks. Final thing I'll mention was that participating in the communities we've studied has been the MOST fun. It's like stepping into family reunions all over the country and super insightful!
I made a yoga "corner" just laid out a yoga mat and two blocks. I also have a small apt. I have a studio so I tried to make separate "landmarks" I guess. I have a work space, a space to eat and journal, a space for yoga, a space for piano... =)
yeah, totally! I'm in a 1BR with my husband so definitely don't have a lot of space : ) I use a room divider/screen and then mark off a little corner of the room with my meditation pillow and a candle.. I've seen some folks build little forts/tents indoors, or just create a windowsill with plants/crystals etc. Or put up an ancestor/elder wall - pictures of folks who inspire them/from their family etc. Or a yoga mat : )
It could be more like making a space sacred, so you bring certain objects, or move furniture and perform the ritual in a space that is re-created for sacred experiences. And can be reset in between.
Creative Mornings start their virtual sessions by sending people into breakout rooms of 3 to say hello and get to know each other. It’s a small thing, but it breaks up the monotony of immediately staring at a gallery of faces and listening to one talking head for an hour.
I wish they would end the session the same way and allow your breakout to share reflections and to say goodbye to each other.
It’s been fascinating to see a whole new slew of small group offerings pop up online. I think one of the benefits of zooming in from our homes is that we’re more willing to take risks – because we feel so safe in the space we’re calling in from (our homes.) So people are joining things like Alpha groups (evangelical christian small groups in the UK) and accountability groups and even practices like 5Rhythms
The subreddit is all for dudes who want to improve their fashion/style and need communal support, expertise and feedback to do so. This little ritual is a way to tap into that purpose lightly day in and day out!
Oh and: Dyke Soccer, a team open to “dykes and anyone who sees that word as a compliment” (e.g. ME!) in NYC, can't play soccer together while we’re sheltering in place. So they are finding ways to recreate both the fun and emotional support the team offers each other by hosting ***"pet parades"*** on Zoom, which I adore.
They are also offering Instagram Live sessions with a practicing therapist (a team member), and launching a simple mutual aid program so teammates can financially support each other.
Dyke Soccer’s virtual shared activities are resonating with team members because they tap into the reason the players came to the team in the first place: to create “a sense of chosen family” with fellow queer soccer lovers.
Well, if I think about my fiancé and I as a mini community... the two of us take an Instax selfie every weekend. We've been doing it for almost 3 years (?!). Here are a few on our (postponed) wedding website: https://kevinyoko.party/weekend-countdown
It's special because it's a mini memorialization of how we're feeling, what's happening. We keep all of the photos in these Instax albums (currently on the third) that are just titled "WEEKENDS." Whenever we look back at the photos, we think about what has and hasn't changed. 🙂
Genius, Kevin! My fiance and I have been doing something similar now that we're in lock down- creating a photo book to remember these times. Love your idea of doing this every weekend tho!
Building off Katie, I said a secular "grace" the other day with my girlfriend's roommates before our dinner in appreciation of our health and the home cooked meal. In this time, it meant even more to me.
It was very impromptu at first! We put extra effort into making this meal of hand-pulled noodles (Xi'an's meal kit!) - each of us stretching and slapping the fresh dough into 4' long noodles! And it felt natural to take a moment to pause and say thank you for our health, thank you for this small community of roommates, and thank you for this food.
In many ways the saying of grace turned the gratitude we were all experiencing invisibly in our own lil brains and bodies, and made it visible ;)
Absolutely love this. Thank you for sharing! I think finding a way to mark the moment before a meal is such a sweet way of saying "hey, here we are, together" : )
During this time - meals have been a very grounding ritual. Someone I look up to always said, "the best way to build community is breaking bread." That always stuck with me and continues to be a grounding ritual.
I'm not super religious but am jewish and I've always loved the ritual of Havdalah to end shabbat and start a new week together as a community. there's a bunch of cool stuff with smelling spices, extinguishing a candle, etc. that all mean different things. used to do it w/ my fam and summer camp community when I was a kid but haven't so much these days. it always had a sort of mystical feel and the songs always used to make me smile though.
Havdalah FTW - especially the beautifully multi-sensory elements of smelling, singing, etc. Also totally love that it is celebrated 25 hours after the beginning of shabbat so we get to hold onto one more hour of shabbat
At People & Company, we have our own rituals whenever we do our planning & celebration retreats:
Deep breaths, silly sounds: At the beginning of each of our strategy planning sessions, we would hold hands, take three deep breaths together, and we would make loud, silly sounds on the 3rd exhale. We save this ritual only for our strategy sessions, thus, giving us a signal to switch our brains and vibes away from the day to day grind and into dreaming about the future.
Celebrations: At the end of the year, we take the time to celebrate each other. Each one of us gets a day where the other two buds/partners offer tokens. Also, the celebrant gets to choose the activities they want to do. For my celebration last year, Bailey put together a slideshow of all the travels we’ve done together and Kev wrote me a letter. For Bailey’s chosen activity, we went to a cafe where she got to hold a hedgehog. For Kev’s he wanted to go to a sushi restaurant that served the dishes on a conveyor belt
Both rituals are special because they remind us that we are friends, first and foremost.
Yoga. I have created a great community by attending the same classes and getting to know the teachers. I feel like there is always a grounding ritual either a meditation or the chanting of mantra. Many of my teachers have moved this practice online to still take live zoom classes and also chanting mantra. This ritual makes me feel so connected to myself and something bigger also.
I've been doing creative writing workshops on Wednesdays with my former high school English teacher. It's been a nice reason to free flow again, and also a meaningful way to catch up with how we've been feeling / processing the times we're in now.
You say rituals are not here to make things different, they are here to make things real. That runs counter to experiences I’m going through with spiritual teachers, where rituals do make spiritual, social, and emotional change. Can you talk more about how you came to this definition?
Oooh juicy question - lemme say a word more about ritual making things real. What I read that as is that it brings our attention into the ritual space. We enter the magic circle, as you would say :) So in that sense, it absolutely changes our emotional, social and perhaps spiritual experience.
Of course, there are real theological questions wrapped up in this statement and that's maybe where the difference is. In a traditional Catholic Mass, ritual absolutely is understood to make things different - the transfiguration of the bread and wine. But I struggle with that conception and so really appreciate the idea that what changes isn't the bread and wine - but it is ME that changes. And so ritual makes the moment real, rather than changing anything in the outside world.
But I'm curious for your experience? What do you think?
Yes, I've very much experienced ritual in the spiritual sense as being about a change in the participants as well as the potential of the shared space they hold together. My own very amateur (compared to yours certainly!) definition of ritual is symbolic physical actions that produce a change in the spiritual or emotional realm.
I loved what you said about brushing teeth as a habit that can be changed into a ritual through intent and intention. Sometimes habits unconsciously become rituals because the repetition becomes an experiential imprint for meeting to collect around, much like emotional pain can cause physical ailments, and physical ailments can gather unrelated emotional wounds, just as being a place for pain to settle.
The other element that is important to me is the way that rituals embody certain values and stories. and if we're not careful we end up reifying values and narratives that we actually don't want to embody
In the episode you talk about community leaders being “shepherds,” being part of the community but also separate from it with a different set of responsibilities. What advice do you have for being a good “shepherd?”
If we can take inspiration from sacred texts, a good shepherd is one who cares about every member of the flock. So the first thing is that a good community leader genuinely cares about the community! I know this sounds obvious, but it isn’t always true.
A shepherd is inherently itinerant, so your job is to encourage and lead the flock across a landscape – which we can read as a changing world. In my experience, although it might help to have a community strategy, what is most important to have as a community leader is a clear moral/ethical compass and the capacity to spread that culture within the community. Then, when change comes (as it will), everyone has the same/similar commitments to how we want to be together and can figure out the best next step.
GREAT question. So I love the idea that tradition is something that is always changing. Imagine it as the beating heart of wisdom, insight, truth, love that is held by external forms (practices, rituals, buildings etc.)
So as culture and history change, the outer expressions of the inner tradition will keep changing. This is why we always need to be paying attention to reinterpreting rituals : )
What are non-secular rituals to close gatherings or to say goodbye that we should adapt or learn from? We put a ton of thought into the opening rituals and we tend to neglect the importance of the ending.
I am all about the benediction. From Latin that translates simply to a "good word", so it's often a blessing at the end of a service in the Christian tradition. It's a moment to bless/inspire/remind people of their inherent goodness and the mission that has brought them together. So definitely finding a way to offer people a benediction at the end of the event is a great option to explore...
But honestly, I think the best way for many of us to deepen our spiritual lives is to rediscover and translate rituals/practices/songs/stories that we grew up with. Are there any traditions that you might be able to reimagine from your own life/family/ancestry?
My approach to ritual design is all about starting with things we're doing already in a small way and then adding in the wisdom of tradition to deepen the practice : )
Alright!
We're wrapping this edition of Popcorn Q&A 🍿. Big thank you to Casper and to all of you wonderful humans for joining this conversation. It's been an uplifting way to kick off a Friday for us.
<3
Thank you Casper for sharing your experience & your vibe.
Which Harry Potter character do you most identify with?
Peeves the Poltergeist!!!!!
Can I answer too...?
Ron. He just really loves food :)
the video at the beginning of season 7 made me tear up. I usually have issues with Ron, but what you guys said made me identify with Ron so much. I wondered if maybe that's why I struggle with him b/c I can see parts of myself in him!
yes, he is sooo good!
My question for Casper is:
What advice do you have for designing rituals for welcoming people into your community? For saying goodbye? Are there other key moments we should be bringing ritual into?
The first thing to remember is that there are always already rituals to build on. Simple things like handshakes and hugs, or welcoming folks with a cup of coffee or a tour of the building. In a digital context, there might be some basic introductions or words shared at the beginning of every event.
So the first thing to do is look at what’s already happening and try to lift that up into a ritual. We turn a small habit into a ritual by bringing intention, attention and repetition to it. So be clear about what you intend the ritual to symbolize. Be present while you’re performing it. And repeat it over time.
One of my favorite examples of this is a Unitarian Universalist church on the US-Mexican border that starts every service and event with someone saying out loud this simple statement - “We are a church at the border and our mission is to serve the immigrant.” Simple words, but by naming these values over and over, everyone understands what they’re doing.
My favorite quarantine zoom meeting closer is the dance party. For our 8-week digital Harry Potter and the Sacred Text class, we closed every session with a different ABBA track and invited folks to dance in front of their cameras. Nothing better!
👋🏻Welcome, we are happy you are here!
To get started in the chat: Tell us where you are tuning in from today and share the community work that is on your mind.
Kevin here! 👋 At home in Sunset Park, Brooklyn. Community work on my mind—thinking about my "political home." A small community where I explore/hone/act on my perspective on politics.
I will start! Bailey Elaine Richardson here. Sitting at my desk in Brooklyn, New York 🗽
Hey! Casper ter Kuile also in Brooklyn, NY :)
Katie tuning in from the Chicago area ✌️Community work on my mind -- how to use digital tools to connect people meaningfully
Hi, I'm Alex tuning in from NYC and I serve two fledgling event-series groups that I hope to nurture into communities over time [1] one creates space for conversations that womxn don't usually get to have and the other [2] is a gathering about gathering. thx for doing this! ✨
Tell me about that gathering about gathering.... sounds like my jam!
Sure - I got very very very inspired by The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker and when the opportunity arose to create member clubs at The Wing (which meant a space for us to meet, which is key!) I kicked off The Experiential Lab, where I guess we treat the AoG as a sacred text! and we deconstruct and discover the ways to good gathering. We're meeting on Zoom these days every other Tuesday. We usually have one topic and I send out some material beforehand so that everyone can think about it on their own first...last Lab was about play and our individual "play histories" and how that shows up for us today and in gathering...
Ooolala I love that "AoG" is your sacred text, and that you're dialed into those Wing groups!!
Priya is 100% the bestest. So much wisdom in that book!
So so much! Actually - thank you for turning me on the the notion of sacred texts...I was kind of shy about it how often I refer to it. Sacred didn't feel like anything I would be involved in, but I your story about how you got Harry Potter resonated for me. I just heard it yesterday so it's still finding places in me. I have a feeling I'm way more about sacred texts than I ever could have imagined! 💛
I'm so glad Alexandra! Yeah, I am totally into the idea that sacred is something we make happen. When we turn to a text again and again, thta's what makes it sacred
Hello! Ida from Brooklyn. I've got ritual on my mind.
IDA! Hello!
Wooot! Hey Ida : )
@Ida I want to hear about your favorite rituals you've seen out in the world
The noon gatherings that Sacred Design did for a few weeks were really wonderful!
Yay - they are continuing! Hosted by great volunteers https://www.infeastorfallow.com/about-family-chapel
Omg, I can't even believe I'm still awake! Yay, I'm here.
Luisa hello!! You're an MVP!
bahahahahaha I'm here to read the answers :)
forgot to mention here from Sydney, Australia! BOOM 2:52am eeeekk.
Luisa, thank you for joining and we miss ya.
Hi! Corey Haines from sunny Chicago, IL!
Hi Corey!!
Hi Corey! Thanks for popping in.
Hey everyone - I'm Sam, here in Brooklyn. what's up!
Sam! Y'all should check out what his team is building with https://genevachat.com/ —a new community-focused group chat app ⬅️⬅️⬅️
Sam - how do you guys at Geneva think about ritual, if at all?
I've been thinking about it a lot and we've definitely been encouraging leaders we're speaking with to start them up within their communities. I've seen a few who have dedicated 'rooms' specifically for rituals - i.e. there's a fitness community who uses a dedicated video room to do a live run together every morning at 6:27am - and others who use their 'welcome message' to prompt a specific introduction style
Ultimately I want to build in features that encourage ongoing rituals even more explicitly b/c I agree they're so important for communities . Like, imagine being able to turn on a weekly prompt for your community that starts a thread, maybe with a question like "what are you thankful for this week?"
Would love ideas on this though!
LOVE this. Marking time and the gratitude prompt so cool! hmu if you wanna talk more - casper@sacred.design
Sam whats up!!!
Lauren from San Francisco, CA <3
Hello Lauren and welcome! How'd you find out about this?
on Casper's instagram =)
now that is what I like to hear : )hahha
Maggie from Upstate NY! :)
*deep bow* to you and the whole Burning Man team! Y'all have helped translate and inspire so many folks with new rituals! What are the rituals that folks talk to you about the most from the playa?
It's-a-meeee! Mario!
🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕
Hi Casper! I loved the case studies in your How We Gather report. What was your research process like?
Thanks Maggie! Honestly, it was super organic. We started off just asking friends and friends-of-friends where they found community and were finding meaning. We kept hearing stories about all sorts of unexpectedly spiritual spots and that really opened our eyes to go looking further!
Then after a while, because the cultural language was SO consistent - like logos were all round, the colors were similar, they all had manifestos - we were like, this is a thing and we should write about it
I've since learned that our work is really a sort of "theory making" - so we go out and do some early trend spotting and then later other researchers find new questions to ask based on those early insights. Are you looking at doing some research, too?
Thanks for sharing:) Yeah, I'm always interested in learning new ways of research. Recently helped with this report about the future of public spaces and gathering.
https://www.dailytouslesjours.com/en/work/living-room-reflections-on-getting-together?preview_nonce=dab2a0e743&preview_id=4147
Similar to your approach, the themes/insights were gathered from interviews, observations, and readings.
Awesome - excited to check this out! Thanks. Final thing I'll mention was that participating in the communities we've studied has been the MOST fun. It's like stepping into family reunions all over the country and super insightful!
When you hear the word ritual - what's the first association in your brain?!
Structure that --> Meaning
Blowing out birthday candles 🕯
purposeful routine
Nostalgia
Sunday Mass :)
love
I'm curious. Who has made a 'sacred' space in their home during quar? If yes - what's in it?
I made a yoga "corner" just laid out a yoga mat and two blocks. I also have a small apt. I have a studio so I tried to make separate "landmarks" I guess. I have a work space, a space to eat and journal, a space for yoga, a space for piano... =)
PIANO IS ESSENTIAL AND TOTALLY SACRED :)
Hear hear to that! Wherever my guitar is is my safe space - my chest against it
ooo interesting! i'd love to do something like this, my apt feels too small. does anyone have ideas on how to do it in a 'space efficient' way?
yeah, totally! I'm in a 1BR with my husband so definitely don't have a lot of space : ) I use a room divider/screen and then mark off a little corner of the room with my meditation pillow and a candle.. I've seen some folks build little forts/tents indoors, or just create a windowsill with plants/crystals etc. Or put up an ancestor/elder wall - pictures of folks who inspire them/from their family etc. Or a yoga mat : )
Love the ancestor/elder wall idea!
I have crystals through my space! <3
It could be more like making a space sacred, so you bring certain objects, or move furniture and perform the ritual in a space that is re-created for sacred experiences. And can be reset in between.
People & Co team - what's your fave ritual you've seen online recently?
Creative Mornings start their virtual sessions by sending people into breakout rooms of 3 to say hello and get to know each other. It’s a small thing, but it breaks up the monotony of immediately staring at a gallery of faces and listening to one talking head for an hour.
I wish they would end the session the same way and allow your breakout to share reflections and to say goodbye to each other.
Tossing it back to you Casper!
What rituals have you seen remixed online that have strengthened the purpose? Which have you seen that were hard to recreate in digital space?
It’s been fascinating to see a whole new slew of small group offerings pop up online. I think one of the benefits of zooming in from our homes is that we’re more willing to take risks – because we feel so safe in the space we’re calling in from (our homes.) So people are joining things like Alpha groups (evangelical christian small groups in the UK) and accountability groups and even practices like 5Rhythms
Subreddits have the most eccentric cultures IMHO. There's some fun things always out there - and likely some creepy ones too!
But one I love is a very simple one: the men's fashion advice regular theread "What Are You Wearing Today (WAYWT)": https://www.reddit.com/r/malefashionadvice/search?q=author%3AAutoModerator+WAYWT&restrict_sr=on&sort=new&t=all
The subreddit is all for dudes who want to improve their fashion/style and need communal support, expertise and feedback to do so. This little ritual is a way to tap into that purpose lightly day in and day out!
Oh and: Dyke Soccer, a team open to “dykes and anyone who sees that word as a compliment” (e.g. ME!) in NYC, can't play soccer together while we’re sheltering in place. So they are finding ways to recreate both the fun and emotional support the team offers each other by hosting ***"pet parades"*** on Zoom, which I adore.
They are also offering Instagram Live sessions with a practicing therapist (a team member), and launching a simple mutual aid program so teammates can financially support each other.
Dyke Soccer’s virtual shared activities are resonating with team members because they tap into the reason the players came to the team in the first place: to create “a sense of chosen family” with fellow queer soccer lovers.
omg this is amazing
Casper! What should we know about your book and when can we get it!?
Thank you! The Power of Ritual comes out on June 23rd and you can pre-order now :)
http://powerofritual.org/
I can't wait to hear what you all think!
(I mean, mostly. Lols.)
Pre-ordered! ✔️
❓QUESTION OF THE DAY
As Casper and others pop in to answer your specific questions, we have a question for you all.
What are some of the most powerful communal rituals you’ve been a part of? What made them so special?
Well, if I think about my fiancé and I as a mini community... the two of us take an Instax selfie every weekend. We've been doing it for almost 3 years (?!). Here are a few on our (postponed) wedding website: https://kevinyoko.party/weekend-countdown
It's special because it's a mini memorialization of how we're feeling, what's happening. We keep all of the photos in these Instax albums (currently on the third) that are just titled "WEEKENDS." Whenever we look back at the photos, we think about what has and hasn't changed. 🙂
Genius, Kevin! My fiance and I have been doing something similar now that we're in lock down- creating a photo book to remember these times. Love your idea of doing this every weekend tho!
Dude. wtf is instax?!
because I LOVE this idea!!
It's an Instant film camera! https://amzn.to/2B9BXuF 📸
Building off Katie, I said a secular "grace" the other day with my girlfriend's roommates before our dinner in appreciation of our health and the home cooked meal. In this time, it meant even more to me.
say more!! this is so beautiful!
It was very impromptu at first! We put extra effort into making this meal of hand-pulled noodles (Xi'an's meal kit!) - each of us stretching and slapping the fresh dough into 4' long noodles! And it felt natural to take a moment to pause and say thank you for our health, thank you for this small community of roommates, and thank you for this food.
In many ways the saying of grace turned the gratitude we were all experiencing invisibly in our own lil brains and bodies, and made it visible ;)
Absolutely love this. Thank you for sharing! I think finding a way to mark the moment before a meal is such a sweet way of saying "hey, here we are, together" : )
During this time - meals have been a very grounding ritual. Someone I look up to always said, "the best way to build community is breaking bread." That always stuck with me and continues to be a grounding ritual.
LOVE this. One of my fave quotes is from Nora Ephron who wrote that a family is a group of people who have the same thing for dinner
I'm not super religious but am jewish and I've always loved the ritual of Havdalah to end shabbat and start a new week together as a community. there's a bunch of cool stuff with smelling spices, extinguishing a candle, etc. that all mean different things. used to do it w/ my fam and summer camp community when I was a kid but haven't so much these days. it always had a sort of mystical feel and the songs always used to make me smile though.
Havdalah FTW - especially the beautifully multi-sensory elements of smelling, singing, etc. Also totally love that it is celebrated 25 hours after the beginning of shabbat so we get to hold onto one more hour of shabbat
I love this.
At People & Company, we have our own rituals whenever we do our planning & celebration retreats:
Deep breaths, silly sounds: At the beginning of each of our strategy planning sessions, we would hold hands, take three deep breaths together, and we would make loud, silly sounds on the 3rd exhale. We save this ritual only for our strategy sessions, thus, giving us a signal to switch our brains and vibes away from the day to day grind and into dreaming about the future.
Celebrations: At the end of the year, we take the time to celebrate each other. Each one of us gets a day where the other two buds/partners offer tokens. Also, the celebrant gets to choose the activities they want to do. For my celebration last year, Bailey put together a slideshow of all the travels we’ve done together and Kev wrote me a letter. For Bailey’s chosen activity, we went to a cafe where she got to hold a hedgehog. For Kev’s he wanted to go to a sushi restaurant that served the dishes on a conveyor belt
Both rituals are special because they remind us that we are friends, first and foremost.
Plus: chicken wings and clam chowder!!
plz can i haz join you all?!
You’re our bud & partner, so absolutely you may join our rituals. People first.
Yoga. I have created a great community by attending the same classes and getting to know the teachers. I feel like there is always a grounding ritual either a meditation or the chanting of mantra. Many of my teachers have moved this practice online to still take live zoom classes and also chanting mantra. This ritual makes me feel so connected to myself and something bigger also.
I've been doing creative writing workshops on Wednesdays with my former high school English teacher. It's been a nice reason to free flow again, and also a meaningful way to catch up with how we've been feeling / processing the times we're in now.
omg love this!! and I think so important right now
You say rituals are not here to make things different, they are here to make things real. That runs counter to experiences I’m going through with spiritual teachers, where rituals do make spiritual, social, and emotional change. Can you talk more about how you came to this definition?
Oooh juicy question - lemme say a word more about ritual making things real. What I read that as is that it brings our attention into the ritual space. We enter the magic circle, as you would say :) So in that sense, it absolutely changes our emotional, social and perhaps spiritual experience.
Of course, there are real theological questions wrapped up in this statement and that's maybe where the difference is. In a traditional Catholic Mass, ritual absolutely is understood to make things different - the transfiguration of the bread and wine. But I struggle with that conception and so really appreciate the idea that what changes isn't the bread and wine - but it is ME that changes. And so ritual makes the moment real, rather than changing anything in the outside world.
But I'm curious for your experience? What do you think?
Yes, I've very much experienced ritual in the spiritual sense as being about a change in the participants as well as the potential of the shared space they hold together. My own very amateur (compared to yours certainly!) definition of ritual is symbolic physical actions that produce a change in the spiritual or emotional realm.
I loved what you said about brushing teeth as a habit that can be changed into a ritual through intent and intention. Sometimes habits unconsciously become rituals because the repetition becomes an experiential imprint for meeting to collect around, much like emotional pain can cause physical ailments, and physical ailments can gather unrelated emotional wounds, just as being a place for pain to settle.
IDA THAT IS AN AWESOME DEFINITION
The other element that is important to me is the way that rituals embody certain values and stories. and if we're not careful we end up reifying values and narratives that we actually don't want to embody
Right, good point. The way rituals have us embody those values and narratives can have a dark side.
DOES THIS MEAN WE AGREE, CASPER?!?!? 💗
(sorry for the typos. credit for those go to autocorrect and dyslexia)
LOLS agreement is not the goal!! stimulated spiritual and ideas and friendship growth is : )
goal achieved
Kai here sending good vibes from Singapore, Casper ✌🏽
Hey Kai! Welcome : )
Oh hey Kai!
In the episode you talk about community leaders being “shepherds,” being part of the community but also separate from it with a different set of responsibilities. What advice do you have for being a good “shepherd?”
Great q Katie..
If we can take inspiration from sacred texts, a good shepherd is one who cares about every member of the flock. So the first thing is that a good community leader genuinely cares about the community! I know this sounds obvious, but it isn’t always true.
A shepherd is inherently itinerant, so your job is to encourage and lead the flock across a landscape – which we can read as a changing world. In my experience, although it might help to have a community strategy, what is most important to have as a community leader is a clear moral/ethical compass and the capacity to spread that culture within the community. Then, when change comes (as it will), everyone has the same/similar commitments to how we want to be together and can figure out the best next step.
Thank you for sharing! I appreciate the way you speak to shepherding here and in the podcast :) https://gettogether.fm/episodes/casper-ter-kuile
Another question popped in my mind - what do you see to be the difference between ritual and tradition?
GREAT question. So I love the idea that tradition is something that is always changing. Imagine it as the beating heart of wisdom, insight, truth, love that is held by external forms (practices, rituals, buildings etc.)
So as culture and history change, the outer expressions of the inner tradition will keep changing. This is why we always need to be paying attention to reinterpreting rituals : )
Love that - " the outer expressions of the inner tradition will keep changing."
What are non-secular rituals to close gatherings or to say goodbye that we should adapt or learn from? We put a ton of thought into the opening rituals and we tend to neglect the importance of the ending.
LOVE THIS QUESTION KAI!!!
I am all about the benediction. From Latin that translates simply to a "good word", so it's often a blessing at the end of a service in the Christian tradition. It's a moment to bless/inspire/remind people of their inherent goodness and the mission that has brought them together. So definitely finding a way to offer people a benediction at the end of the event is a great option to explore...
Thanks Mia, that's such a generous question. My very very fave ritual is my tech sabbath on friday nights (tonight) - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1p1JnlOFfEx765-IDhuKNQkQlv1AH3-RAvJ9Bg5yZo28/edit
But honestly, I think the best way for many of us to deepen our spiritual lives is to rediscover and translate rituals/practices/songs/stories that we grew up with. Are there any traditions that you might be able to reimagine from your own life/family/ancestry?
My approach to ritual design is all about starting with things we're doing already in a small way and then adding in the wisdom of tradition to deepen the practice : )
Thanks so much Mia! June 23rd - my copies just arrived today so I am so stoked!